on the train

its been like 3 weeks already from the beginning of school. i cant really say that time had flew by, nor i would say it was really slow. alot of things happened since last time. and as u can see, i barely have any time to write this. i dont even know where to start :/
i am now currently busy on to finding colleges and universities. i want to go to UC Irvine, but after looking at my SAT scores from the rev. prep class (1410) my hope just went down like a slop. lol. ok, not even funny, i need to be serious. at the same time, i dont know what major i want to do, so it would be hella waste of money to go to a UC and living in a dorm like that. so i am also thinking of going to a community college to explore some classes. what does that sound? the bad thing is, chabot college sucks, it doesnt have any of the classes i want to take, like cullinary pastry, japanese, korean, and some other ones...
also i need to start doing finacial aid and scholarships, but the college app comes first since jenny told me that they due during spring time. blah.........

about my classes and the anxiety, its complicated. im not even sure if the med is working anymore, i want to double the dose and see. i completely too distracted to use any of the relaxing methods to calm myself down. but i guess im kinda more relaxed but i just need to train to not think about my surroundings, thats all.
daddy and me also tried meditation for few days and i really liked it. but since we didnt have time, we stopped :((( yea, art is really busy. i really hope i can catch up to things.

my hair grew like an inch more and its in a pretty ugly shape right now. i keep thinking of cutting my hair really short this time and dying it brown and getting few more piercings in the ear...lol. maybe later. but i really wanna cut my hair and i dont want my hair to grow so fast. and plus even though my hair is short, it sheds soooooo freakin much!!! like more than ever! i wonder why.... also, at school people keep telling me there's hair on my neck or shirt and stuff... so unattractive.lol. i wanna have a real chance on using GATSBY ~ <3

Lisa has changed so much...she is growing out her hair really long so she can curl perm it, and she got a new peircing on the very top of the ear. she hangs out w/ other asians from other school and party with them and go to stranger's houses. she wears a leather jacket and a stylish leather bag too. she told me she wants to get two tattoos when she goes back to china...and she talks more to zhia Yin than us now...since we dont have anything to talk about anymore. i dont even know her anymore. last year, she told me she is going to completely concentrate on school work, but now she is somewhat the opposite. i guess the changes are good for her. after all, she has more friends and stuff. im sad.....

school

man, this is the second day of school and already has so much work and pressure...especially AP art and the anxiety crap thing.
i now taking full dose of the medication and cant wait for the full effect of celexa.

first day was just...i dont know. looking back, i had a lot of mixed feelings but one of the most i can recognize is anxiety of course. for the whole controling my emotions and thoughts and anxiety for the first day, i didnt do so well :(
i was super exhausted after school, but i couldnt rest. i needed to do all the HW before the first class of SAT prep( 3 hr. class ><;) it was horrible, we didnt have the book or anything so we had to share with other pplz, and MOST of the pplz were covering their nose the whole time and the teacher( cute and enthusiastic) joked about how the room smelled, and it requires way more participation that i thought because the class is only less than 10 pplz... the good thing is, its actually quite helpful. so i need to do my best for SaT! and since dad payed 1000 bucks for both of us....it killed the wallet.
after the class. approx 9pm (i can experience the suffering of the asian students...cram school) i was super pooped and had a BIG headache. ><;; n i can bearly walk. i guess cause so many things went on just only one day and just right out from the summer break when a person is still not in the mood to do anything but sleep (lol. i dont make sense.)
anyways, end up i even watched 2 hrs of AMerica's got talent after that since i cannot miss the semi finals!!! and man, it was an intense night.

second day of school went pretty well i guess. i did A LOT of breathing exersize and kept telling myself that "i am normal" i guess that kinda helps. still getting use to my shoulder bag. i think its really ugly and cheap...i miss te forever21 leather bag!!!